Confidence Is More Than Speaking Up

The problem with “more confident”

A parent asks for a more confident child. A teacher would like more confident participation. Both requests sound clear until someone asks what would look different on an ordinary Tuesday.

Would the learner ask for clarification when a task is confusing? Tell a friend that a joke has gone too far? Offer an idea without knowing whether it will be chosen? Walk into an unfamiliar activity and find a way to join?

Each situation contains a different challenge. A child may happily address an assembly and struggle to admit they need help. Another may avoid the spotlight yet negotiate a group decision with care. Calling one confident and the other shy hides the detail that would make teaching useful.

For schools and families, the better starting point is a sentence: In this situation, I would like the young person to be able to… Finish it with an action rather than an adjective.

Belief matters. So does the situation.

Research on self-efficacy offers a more specific lens than a broad personality label. Usher and Pajares’ study of entering middle-school students linked academic and self-regulatory efficacy beliefs with several sources, including prior mastery experiences. Patterns differed across learner groups; the study does not establish a universal recipe for confidence.¹

Bandura and colleagues’ work also examined relationships between efficacy beliefs and academic functioning. Its relevance here is conceptual: beliefs about capability deserve attention alongside opportunities to act. It does not validate a particular life-skills course.²

The practical implication we draw is modest. Ask two questions together: “What does this learner believe they can do here?” and “What support would make a useful attempt possible?” An encouraging speech may address the first while leaving the second unanswered.

That distinction matters when adults interpret hesitation. A learner might lack the words, be unsure of the group’s rules, need more processing time or judge the situation accurately as unwelcoming. None of those possibilities is resolved by asking them to look more confident.

Use a smaller unit of progress

Consider an imagined group-project discussion. A learner has a workable idea but waits until the conversation moves on. “Speak up more” leaves them to solve several problems at once: finding an opening, deciding what to say, judging the social risk and holding the idea in mind.

A smaller goal could be to enter once with a prepared sentence: “Can I add another option?” A partner rehearses the opening. The adult makes sure the group has a fair turn-taking routine. The learner chooses whether to use the sentence or adapt it.

Afterward, useful feedback might be: “You asked for a turn, then explained the main idea. Your example helped the group understand.” That gives the learner something they can recognise and try again. “You were so confident” is pleasant, but less informative.

This is a proposed practice example, not a report of a Figured learner’s outcome. Its purpose is to show how a broad aspiration becomes something teachable.

Design a stretch that the learner can own

A useful attempt needs an appropriate level of challenge and a meaningful reason to try. Rehearsing an introduction for a club they want to join can make more sense than delivering a speech on a topic they did not choose.

Invite the young person to help set the goal. Ask what part feels difficult, what they already know and what support they would like. Agree a manageable first version. That might mean speaking to one peer before a group, using a prompt card or practising with an adult nearby.

Support should not become a hidden test of whether the learner is brave enough to refuse it. A prompt card or a quieter route to participation can remain useful. The question is whether the support enables the intended capability, and whether the learner wants to change it over time.

Adults also shape the conditions. If interruptions are rewarded, asking a quieter learner to interrupt more simply trains them to adapt to an unhelpful norm. Sometimes the group routine needs to change before the individual does.

Notice more than the performance

A polished presentation can demonstrate preparation and speaking skill. It tells us less about how someone responds to a confused listener, an unexpected question or a mistake. Those moments deserve room in the learning.

Watch for actions such as asking for help early, explaining a different view respectfully, recovering after losing a train of thought or choosing a new strategy. Ask the learner what felt different. Their account may reveal effort that an observer missed.

Keep the claim proportionate. One successful discussion shows that something was possible in that discussion. It is a useful piece of evidence, not a certificate of permanent confidence. A later setback can help identify what changes when the audience, stakes or support are different.

A question for this week

Choose one ordinary situation with the learner. Replace “Be more confident” with “What would you like to be able to do here?” Agree one action, one form of support and one chance to try.

Afterward, ask: “What helped you do that?” Then listen before offering an interpretation. The answer may point to a clearer next step than any adult label could.

For Figured, confidence belongs within a larger purpose: helping young people communicate, make judgements and take responsibility. The visible performance is one part of that education. The capability underneath is what we want to understand.